What do we do with the grudges we hold? What are they? Grudges hurt us and the other people that experience us holding this grudge. If we feel into our heart, it feels like a swollen, hard heart that cannot be resolved and softened. We feel agitated, can’t concentrate, can’t relax or sleep. If we push the grudge down deep so that we don’t feel it, the resentment and anger can creep into our everyday lives in ways we do not expect. We can lose focus, fly off the handle, or suffer with low-grade depression. We are told to forgive and that it’s not good for us to hold this in our bodies. But how???
Let’s imagine that a grudge is anger and anger is born of loss. (such as a disappointment, a misunderstanding…) Loss is the experience under anger. If I let go of the anger, maybe it means the loss goes unacknowledged. There is a basic human need to be acknowledged. So maybe our work is to acknowledge this loss (or have someone else acknowledge this loss, if possible). Each loss deserves a kind, compassionate recognition, acceptance, appreciation, and even tribute.
I see a gravestone with a bright sunflower to mark the loss and help us mourn so that we do not have to carry the grief in our heart.